Lets Get One Thing Straight
by Yumi-chan-likes-chainsaws
Summary: Nagase has something to tell his father...or more than likely, rant about and blame his father for. Complete craic. Anime based. Contains Ooc-ness for humor reasons.


_**Yumi- short little one-shot craic, and my first fanfiction for this fandom (though I really should be finishing the Ouran requests I have...sighs)**_

_**Bob- *halfheartedly throws streamers***_

**_Oko- ^^' sayounara!_**

-x-

**-Lets Get One Thing Straight **_(I'm not. And neither is anyone else)_**-**

-x-

Nagase was never incredibly close to his father. He was just expected to be- both of them being reasonably evil to an extent and complete sadists, but then again, like father, like son. Now, Aizawa was never that close to Nagase either; the not being close thing was mutual. Both of them knew this.

And now, for the first time since he was probably born, Nagase was going to visit his father to tell him something that had basically nothing to do with evil plans or Dissociative Identification Disorder or Sora Hashiba. Okay, it had a bit to do with Sora. Just a smidge.

God knows how he or his father escaped that huge fire-himself unharmed, although his father suffered severe burns and slight amnesia (oh the irony). But this is complete fiction (die, fourth wall, _die!_) and stuff like that can happen in the unreal world. So, in a hospital where it was unlikely that he would be murdered and with his father suffering from slight short term memory loss, Nagase was going to tell him the truth. The thing that separated the antagonist from the rest of the cast.

He tapped lightly on the door, wishing he had brought some flowers, before pushing it ajar. He took a deep breath, which magically gave him courage, and called out.

"Father?"

Aizawa looked up from his private hospital bed, placing the scissors that he had been using to massacre the roses one of the nurses, who'd felt sorry for him because no one else had came to visit- though, she probably wouldn't have felt the need to if she knew _why _exactly that the older man had no friends- had given to him, making sure that the big ones didn't take food from the little ones, on the dresser.

"Nagase," he said, blinking in slight surprise, "You actually came."

"Father, I came yesterday too."

"Oh, right."

He took the scissors up again, about to take out another poor defenseless rose before Nagase yanked it out of his hands, placing it back on the dresser with a firm look in his eyes.

"Father," he said sternly, "I really need to tell you something."

Aizawa blinked, sorta annoyed that his son dared defy his wishes, but upon realizing that he couldn't come after him with a lighter as long as he was attached to the stupid drip, he decided to sit and listen to what the younger male had to say. "What is it?"

Nagase took a deep breath, before he began. "Well, while you were hiding in the rose bush in a attempt to ambush Sora Hashiba that time, after tying Sunao Fujimori to the chair, I was told something very interesting by him."

Aizawa looked vaguely intrigued. "Carry on," he said, with a wave of his hand.

"He told me that I mustn't have received love from either my father or mother, because once a man has had a taste of love that they can be redeemed." He stopped there for a few moments, tapping his chin lightly with his finger. "And thats when I realized. You're married."

Aizawa sighed. True, that, although he hadn't spoken to the woman in seventeen years, he was married to her and she made him a lovely lunch when he had to go off to the laboratory to work. "Correct," he confirmed, "Me and your mother are married."

Nagase sighed. "Exactly my point. Mother is a _woman_. You being married to her," he took a deep breath again, because air is magical like that, "You being married to her, father, makes you heterosexual- and the only major character who goes that way in the entire series."

Aizawa stared at his son in complete disbelief. He...was the only person in the world of _I like what I like so there _who was s_traight_? "What?"

"Everyone you know," Nagase continued, wincing at the look of horror etched across his fathers face, "Is actually gay," Aizawa's eyes widened as a look of rage fleeted across his son's face. "Father! Its _your _fault I was always an outcast in school! I always wondered why the other kids wouldn't play with me and their fathers always gave me strange looks. Its because you're straight! You ruined my life!"

"But But! Everyone?" Aizawa couldn't believe it, "I apologize- I guess- for ruining your life with my heterosexuality- though shouldn't my psychopathic tendencies been more of a worry- but seriously, _everyone? _What about those two kids I kidnapped-"

Nagase quickly took out his laptop, putting it on to Hidden Webcam One.

_Sora tried to keep his sheepish smile in place, hoping that in lightening the tone that there was a possibility that Sunao would drop the topic, and his shirt collar. It was quite uncomfortable hanging in mid air with a flaming fist hovering above him._

_"Would you," Sunao fumed, "Stop insinuating, hell, telling me, that that stupid idiotic moronic _elephant _is more important than _me _already?"_

_Sora chuckled, wriggling said stuffed animal out from between him and the other boy, twisting in his position to place him carefully on the bed. Sunao raised an eyebrow as Sora patted Toshizou down carefully before craning his neck over to press his lips to the pink haired boy's ones._

_After a few short seconds the broke apart, the stupid grin still unfaltering with Sora. Sunao grumbled. __"I'm still going to hide it on you," he retorted simply, earning a horrified look from the taller boy._

_"Fujimori! Thats not faaaaaaair!"_

He clicked the little 'x', causing the hidden camera to turn off, turning to his father, who was looking at the screen with a look of deep melancholy. "Number 013..." he mumbled sadly, running his hands through his hair in disbelief, "And Number 021..."

Nagase didn't bother to ask who the other nineteen victims were; mostly because he didn't want to hear about their gruesome demises.

"Ah hah!" Aizawa excaimed, pointing his finger dramatically at his son, who watched him in slight amusement, noticing that his father's painkillers were at last kicking in. "What about that detective? The one I had Number 021 have Number 013 attempt to kill?"

"Father," Nagase said slowly, as if he was talking to a small child, "He ran of with your nurse, remember?"

"Exactly!"

Nagase sighed, wondering how to break this to the older man easily, without him throwing a fit or having a meltdown. "Father," he said slowly, "Nanami Kai may look decidedly female, but he is a man...really...I'm not kidding...I know huh?"

Aizawa stared at Nagase. "All this time...," he said in wonder, his head dropping into the palms of his hands, "She-_ he _was actually _male_...," he then growled, glaring at his son, who stepped back in slight fear, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I presumed you'd already figured it out."

"Ah..."

There was silence for a while before Aizawa broke it. "Uhm...Is really _everyone _I know gay?"

Nagase sighed. Denial, such a hard thing to overcome. "Yes father," he replied, "I even have proof." As if on cue, webcam came up on his laptop again, this time with six different screens, all showing different places at different times. "I pre-recorded these," he said simply.

The first screen showed Matsuri and Soushi exchanging conversation about law and money over cups of hopefully nonpoisonous coffee and cream éclairs. Nagase sighed, his father having given him an all knowing look of _they-aren't-doing-anything-hahahaha! _. "Father, I want you to direct your gaze to the photos behind them."

Doing as he was told for once, Aizawa looked at the framed pictures behind the two gossipers, simply to find that there were pictures of the two holding hands and kissing. Aizawa pulled a face. "They dont even match up together," he said in a horrified tone, "Its not canon!"

Nagase ignored him, pointing his ruler-that had magically appeared out of nowhere- at the second screen, which showed a young bluish haired boy fawning over several pictures of his beloved chemistry president. Aizawa blinked, pointing to the posters and pointing out- "Thats you he's all lovey dovey over!"

Nagase turned away, hoping his father hadn't seen the tell tale blush. "I'll bring him home to meet you one day, Father," he replied hastily, rushing to point at the third screen.

It was a strange one, because it seemed to be just blank. Nagase coughed, taking in the confused look he was getting. "My computer still has the child protection software you built in when I was sixteen," he told the older man, "It seems to have censored the images."

Aizawa breathed a sigh of understanding. "Who are the two supposed to be shown?" he pondered, slowly attempting to pick up the scissors, before receiving another glare from his son.

"Yoru and Ran." No reaction. "The alternate personalities of Sora Hashiba and Sunao Fujimori." Still nothing. "The alternate personalties that you unknowingly created?" Absolutely zilch. Nagase then realized it. "You know, the other side of Number 013 and Number 021?"

Aizawa gasped. "Wait," he stammered, being completely out of character, but then again, this is fanfiction (die fourth wall...again), "They're gay too!"

"Father, they're possibly the gayest of the lot," Nagase answered, earning an amazed gasp from his father. He then pointed at the fourth screen, where it showed Minato forcing himself on quite a reluctant Nanami, who was protesting, trying to tell him that they were still in the school building and that a student might walk in. The two relatives deadpanned.

"Moving swiftly along," Nagase stated in a monotone, knowing that even when his father was on drugs that he wouldn't need further explanation on what they had just witnessed. He pointed the ruler at the fifth screen which was showing Ayano chatting away to his 'boyfriend'- well, it was possibly only his mom, but for the sake of plot, it was a lover- on the phone.

"His boyfriend," Nagase lied, him knowing about as much as the authoress on this one. Aizawa nodded sleepily, the pills affecting his concentration..

And then the final screen showed sour young children sitting in a circle. Aizawa blinked at the screen. "They're children though-" he tried to protest, but Nagase promptly shushed him up.

_"Hey Sei!" The blonde haired child said to the blue haired one. Sei looked up from his gameboy with a sigh._

_"What do you want, Shiina?"_

_The reddish haired child ignored his two cohorts, messing around with the bunny puppet, much to the smallest child's dismay. "Sei," Shiina pondered, "Are Fujimori-senpai and Sora-nii-chan 'going out'?" Sei gave his friend a questioning look. "You know, together?"_

_Sei nodded, a mischievous grin crossing his face. "Yeah!" he exclaimed happily, "They're all lovey dovey all the time," he pulled a repulsed face, "It makes me sick."_

_"Yeah!" Shiina bluffed, mirroring Sei's grin, "Its disgusting! What do they see in it?"_

_Kitamura, as we all know, was almost the chibi version of Sunao. And as he was, he didn't have much of a patience. He was sick and tired of the chattering and was definitely going to shut them up for a few minutes, even if at the end of those few minutes he was going to get chewed out._

_With surprising force for a small child, he grabbed a lump of Sei's hair and clutched his hand on the back of Shiina's shirt and with one quick shove, pushed them together, their lips meeting as a result. He held them like that for a moment, ignoring their protesting flailing before letting them go. Upon letting go, the scrambled as far away from each other as they could get, faces red and breathing hard._

_"There," Kitamura said simply, going back to attempting to entertain Kano with the pink bunny, "Now you know what they see in it."_

Aizawa shook his head in dismay. "Even the children," he stated in awe. Nagase nodded, packing up his laptop into his case, earning a startled glance from his father. "Wait," he called, "You're leaving already? But aren't you going to stay a while longer?"

Nagase sighed. "No father," he said simply, "I have to get back to work, and you need your rest."

Aizawa sighed, getting under the covers before mumbling sleepily. "Make sure to bring that Ichigawa boy of yours to see me some time, will you, son?"

"That I will do, father."

And with that, Aizawa gave a little sigh and gave in to sleep. Nagase watched him, waiting for the telltale snore before deadpanning. He had expected his father to ick up far much more of a fuss, possibly try and kill some poor nurse or something.

He sighed to himself, heading out the door and shutting it gently behind him. _And thats only the aime plot,' _he thought, walking down the halls, _'I wonder what his reaction will be when I tell him that he is most likely bisexual in the BL games...'_


End file.
